“Grief is the Price We Pay for Love”
I was angry with Dan for not keeping his promise of being there for me whenever I needed him. In the past 38 years we lived together, I had become completely dependent on him. Many people have come and gone, including my own children, but it was Dan, the love of my life, who was the pillar I could lean on. Now that he is no more, all I feel is anger and desperation.
My therapist tells me I am finding a way of dealing with my grief, but I am sure that I am just showing Dan how angry I am with him by doing everything that he despised – wearing colors he disliked, eating and drinking everything he advised me not to, talking to people he did not gel with, and redoing my home in a way that would’ve have killed him.
The first thing to go was Dan’s British Sports Car. I had never felt comfortable with his love for British Sports Cars, and the tight-knit circle of friends who shared his passion. One of our close friends tried to convince me not to go ahead with the sale of the Triumph Spitfire, but I was adamant. My children did not share Dan’s love for cars, and I did not want to deal with its maintenance. Finally, Will our good friend offered to find a buyer for this classic beauty that he said he would love to own but was beyond his budget.
No wonder, because I literally had to pick my jaw off the floor when I saw the price the vintage car brought me.
I bought a nice big aquarium and set up a corner for two tortoises. I had compromised on my love for the reptiles and fish because Dan was against keeping them confined. I wanted to see what he was going to do about it now. I also started a new patch in the garden with plants that we had never planted before.
Redecorating the interiors.
I repainted the house in gray, a color that my better half had never wanted on our walls. I wanted to get rid of the wooden blinds that he’d were the best for our windows. Among the things we owned, besides his car, these blinds had been very dear to him. They had served me well enough, and I was tired of their stern appearance. I wanted something friendly and lively on my windows for a change. I had to admit that Dan was right about the gray because they somehow did not have the liveliness of the crème shade we had earlier. Maybe some new window treatments could change the ambience into a lively one. He was also right about the people he did not want me to get too close with. I soon realized why.
Window Coverings the Artisan Drapes.
The best option to liven up my home was the Artisan Drapery from Graber. When the day came for me to pull down the blinds, I somehow couldn’t go through with it. I remembered the time when we’d both installed them lovingly on our windows with a little help from our friend, Will. I decided to keep them, but also put up the artisan drapery along with the blinds to change my décor.
In the next few weeks, I was very busy with the changes I had to make to my interiors, especially because I had to blend everything in with the new paint I had on my walls. The Roman Artisan Draperies added a touch of royalty and made my rooms appear livelier. I had unmatchable styling options to create from the artisan drapery by Graber Blinds, which was captivating and remarkable in every way.
I had fun playing around with the options I had to pick from. The assortment included header styles like tab tops and plain tops with a flat profile, rod pockets for gathers, back tabs for rolls, and grommets for cutting edge style, to create the sophistication I desired. I had a broad range of choices to make from a fabulous line of fabrics in prints, solids, stripes, jacquards and sheers that allowed the drapes to cascade into pools on my floor, or hang in elegant straight lines and break above the floor, or skim above my window sills. Finally for the best draping results, I hung the drapery panels from a foot above the window and had the drapery rods fitted with a minimum overhang of 4 inches on either side of the window. When sizing, I used a 2:1 fabric to window ratio that had a beautiful effect on the window treatments. This was the first time I had something other than natural wooden blinds on our windows, and I was loving the change in the ambience of our rooms.
Despite being busy doing everything defiant against a person who was not even with me to be bothered by it, the pain and sense of loss persisted. I had to make peace with the blow life had dealt me. We had shared a great bond, love and companionship for more than 38 years of our lives. As per the law of nature, one of us had to suffer the pain of losing the other, I am glad that Dan is not the one suffering. The poor old man would not have been able to deal with such a blow.
In his death, Dan has made me appreciate not just him but life itself more than ever. It reminds me of Virginia Woolf’s words – “Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value life more.”